When a Family History Nerd Gets Married: The Bachelorette Party

I had some misgivings about allowing myself to have a bachelorette party at all. Clubbing and loud music and dancing are not my style. Wearing "BRIDE" or "Last fling before the ring" t-shirts is not my style. Luckily, my fantastic sister had something else altogether in mind: a genealogy-inspired bachelorette party designed just for me!

A normal bachelorette party location:

A Dance Club

My bachelorette party location: A tour of NYC's oldest bars!

Ear Inn (image source)

McSorley's Old Ale House (image source)

Normal bridal party shirt:

My bridal party's shirt:

(I think they were making fun of me.)

Normal bride's shirt:

My shirt:

Probably from here?

It reads:

#1 Leave no stone unturned, unless it is a headstone.

#2 Handwriting legibility is inversely proportionate to a document's importance.

#3 The further away a cemetery or library is, the more awkward the opening ours will be.

#4 The relative you most need to talk with is the one whose funeral you are currently attending.

#5 Wherever you find two or more sibling, there also will you find two or more surname spellings.

Normal bachelorette party pin:

My bachelorette party pin:

designed by my awesome sister Laura!

Is my bridal party not obviously the very best ever?

Next time you're in McSorley's look for the "Genealogy is Cool" pin stuck above the door jamb!

(Several of the links in this post are Amazon.com affiliate links.)

(Cross-posted at You Are Where You Came From)

Reflections on Wisdom and Wedding Registries

My mom once mentioned to me that the point of bridal showers used to be for generations of women with experience of marriage to bestow their knowledge unto young brides who could then benefit from what they'd learned. I think it's a shame that our generation no longer gets those benefits. Instead, I've registered for exactly the things *I* want. We're making these choices with no first-hand knowledge of what marriage will entail. I'll be benefitting from product descriptions and Amazon.com reviews, not aunts and great-aunts and cousins with hundreds of years of married life between them. How indicative of our independent, self-sufficient, isolated, and soulless society. 

Our engagement presents were uniformly generous, thoughtful, and much-appreciated. All stand out in some way - some were handmade, some particularly generous, some particularly "us." Two stick out because, I've realized, they hearken back to this idea of gleaning wisdom from those who have come before us - even if, in certain cases, they've come less than a year before us! Our friends Jeff and Michelle got us The Marriage Covenant by Derek Prince, complete with a note about how valuable they'd found it when they read it in Pre-Cana, and which concepts they'd found particularly useful in their relationship. We, of course, made a point of reading it and discussing the parts they'd found worthwhile, wanting to gain from their experience of having been just where we are - even if they'd only been there a few months ago! (They weren't even married yet!)

The other "wisdom" gift we got was from my cousins Laura and Keith and their family. Laura wrote in the card, "So I thought to myself, 'What do all "old-married" Gatto women need? A black coffee pot!'" (We cousins are Gatto women, though none of us by name, and a "black coffee pot" is what we call what other people seem to refer to as an "espresso maker." I searched for "black coffee pot," and all I got were pictures of brown coffee pots that were black!) At the time, I couldn't have told you why, but a huge grin spread over my face when I opened Laura and Keith's gift. It was clear that she was drawing on her 9 (?) years of marriage and her knowledge of what our family's party hosting practices look like and figuring out exactly what I needed. I felt inducted in adulthood. I imagined future Sunday dinners, serving black coffee to my husband, cousins, uncles, Grandpa. I didn't have to worry about whether I wanted or needed a black coffee pot, because someone else had taken it upon herself to share her wisdom with me. What a perfect system!

I recognize my idealistic nostalgia for what it is. I understand that in the pre-registry days, people used to get 6 toasters as wedding gifts, because there was no way of organizing who was passing on which bits of wisdom. But what's worse? Duplicate wisdoms, or ignoring our need to turn to others for wisdom?

Wedding Photos

This post goes out primarily to my cousins - distant and not-so-distant - who may read this blog. Ben and I have decided that we'd like to include our* family history obsession in our wedding celebration, and so we're collecting the wedding pictures of our direct antecedents to incorporate into our decor. We have most pictures of our parents, grandparents, and some great-grandparents, but we'd like to collect as many as possible.

Some pictures we're looking for, if they exist - (some of these predate the widespread availability of photography, but it can't hurt to ask) :

Marilyn Mulcahy & William O'Hara

Veronica Mulvaney & Joseph Mulcahy

Mary Madigan & Michael Mulcahy

Margaret Sullivan & Matthew Madigan

Johanna Roche & Matthew Madigan (Johanna's not a direct antecedent, but I'll take what I can get)

Margaret Ryan & James Mulcahy

Julia Toner & Patrick Mulvaney

Bridget Rothwell & James Mulvaney

Mary Cullen & Richard Toner

Mary Quinn & John O'Hara

Mary King & John O'Hara

Bridget Hopkins & Michael King

Margaret C---- & Nicholas King

Bridget Kearney & Patrick O'Hara

Mary Gillen & Hugh Quinn

Mary Nora Grimes & Martin Gillen 

If you happen to have photos - preferably wedding photos, but other photos of the couples named would be appreciated, too - please contact me at kathleen.scarlett.ohara AT gmail DOT com.

*we're getting married. I can start saying "we" are obsessed with genealogy now, right?

(cross-posted at You Are Where You Came From)

The Blaire Reinhard Band

Choosing a wedding band was difficult for us. Ben - and countless other people - kept suggesting my cousin's band. My cousin's husband, Keith, is the drummer in The Blaire Reinhard Band, and we love them and have seen them perform numerous times. But I had serious doubts. Not about the band, because, as I've said, we love them. They rock. We also know they have plenty of experience playing weddings.

My standard response, when they were suggested, was "Unfortunately, the band isn't available that night. Their drummer has to go to his cousin's wedding." Keith is family. Family is supposed to spend your wedding day celebrating with you, not working for you. I didn't want him to be "on the job" when he was supposed to be eating dinner with the family, drinking sambuca with my uncles, chasing his kids, dancing with his wife.

It's an indie wedding trend to make your wedding meaningful by encouraging the participation of your loved ones instead of involving strangers as vendors. I get that, but while it sounds great in theory, it can only go so far in practice. Being good hosts is important. And while good hosts may graciously accept assistance from their guests, they certainly don't put them to work to the extent that the guests would work while the hosts eat, drink, dance, and socialize. That's just not okay.

So I didn't pursue having the BRB play at our wedding, and we began looking into DJs for music options. Then my dad went ahead and asked Keith whether the band would play, despite my objections to the set-up. He said they'd be glad to, but I said I didn't want them there unless Keith could be a guest, too. Turns out he can combine both fairly easily! (Just goes to show, it never hurts to ask!) So we've managed to set up a band/DJ combo arrangement, and are incredibly excited that we will be having the Blaire Reinhard Band playing at our wedding - while still being able to celebrate with the band members!

Here's a sample of what you're in for:

Wedding Dress Wednesday - My Grandmother's Wedding Dress

When I was at home last weekend, I tried on my very first wedding dress, the dress my grandmother wore when she married my grandfather in the 1950s. It's satin with lace, and it was worn by both Grandma and, in the 1980s, my aunt Linda. (The lace isn't original, but was replaced when Linda wore it, and is so yellowed that it would have to be replaced again if I were to wear it.)

I'm going to keep shopping around, doing some of my shopping in relatives' closets and some of it in bridal boutiques. But here's dress #1.

Ben, the rest of this post is not for your eyes.